Parent Prompts by Kelly Dumar

Questions to Writer About to Give your Child or Grandchild a Priceless Gift

written November, 2003

Because we are often writing to our children across the lifespan, I am providing prompts to inspire parents at different phases of the parenting cycle.  Here’s your chance to go through the diary door with your child.  Remember to write directly to your child, i.e., “You are. . . “

Here are some suggested prompts:

For expectant parents
• Start with a Name - Have you and your partner brainstormed names for this new child?  Perhaps you can write a humorous entry about all those you have discarded, or those suggested by others that have made the reject pile.  Start with a list!
• Hearing the News – when and how did you find out you were pregnant?  Tell your child the story of how you found out he or she would be coming into the world.

For new parents
• Family Pet - Have you written about your family pet? Write an entry to your child about a special family pet and describe your child's relationship with this pet.  Did you have a family pet when you were a child?  Did you long for one?  Include these memories in the entry.

• Overcoming Obstacles - Often we encounter obstacles when we're working to achieve something we want very much.  Tell your future child the story about an obstacle you encountered in working toward bringing this baby into your life.  Was there an expectation, a feeling or a belief that you needed to change or overcome in the process?  How did you overcome this block?  Who or what helped?

• Keep It Simple - This is not the time to have huge expectations about writing long diary entries to your new baby (or babies!).  Give yourself permission to write a brief entry that may be a simple line or two about the most special moment of the day.  Date the page.  Use these brief entries to keep you connected to the diary writing process so that when you do have time for a longer entry you will have the diary handy and you won't feel that you have to overcome a huge gap.  Remember, "silences" during really busy times are a normal party of the rhythm of diaries. 

For parents of pre-schoolers and beyond
• Observing Your Child’s Bliss - Find an opportunity to observe your child unselfconsciously at play.  Describe what your child is doing that seems to bring her or him the most happiness, bliss or satisfaction.  When choosing what to write about, be careful to attend to signs that your child is truly happy during this activity.  If it seems to be when she or he is teasing or bullying a brother or sister, that’s not a sign of inner peace, it’s a sign of inner conflict.

• Growing & Changing - Sometimes we become aware of a gradual change in our child's behavior suddenly.  We wake up one day and realize, "I can't remember the last time my child played with her dolls," or "I can't remember the last time my child sucked his thumb."  One of the signs that your child is moving into a new stage of development is that she/he replaces old behaviors with new ones.  Write to your child about 3 things she/he used to do that she/he is no longer doing, and 3 new things you notice she/he is doing lately.

• Career Plans - What career plans is your child making for her or himself?  What does she say she wants to be when she grows up?  Capture these longings, musings, and imaginings in their own words as much as you can.

• Peace & Harmony - No matter what time of day we sit down and pick up the pen, diary writing to our children can be a calming vacation.  We make a cup of tea, we sit in our favorite writing spot, we open one of the beautiful blank books we've devoted to a child, we get ready to sink into the blank white of the pages of the diary, as refreshing as climbing between fresh, white clean sheets.  This is a quiet time, a time to tune out the world around us and tune into our thoughts, feelings and memories about a particular child.  We take a deep breath.  Perhaps we smile, remembering a funny thing our child said earlier that we made a mental note to record.  We write the date on the blank page.  We don't know what we'll write next.  How about this?  Describe a moment you had with your child when you felt in harmony with him/her and the universe, when you felt uplifted and at peace with yourself and the world. 

For parents of adolescents

For grandparents